Losing Time

by Just Dandy

  • Streaming + Download

    Includes high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more. Paying supporters also get unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app.
    Purchasable with gift card

      name your price


Story: Charlie and Billy are kids. They are standing together in a crowded playground. Billy is talking to Charlie, but Charlie’s attention is focused on a girl a few yards away. Billy notices this and encourages Charlie to go say hello. Charlie hesitates and looks down. When he looks back up he loses sight of the girl. Many years later... Charlie feels like he missed something. Charlie is very old. He is a relatively successful songwriter. Despite a life spent in the pursuit of his creative endeavors and becoming a “whole person”, Charlie feels like he missed something, or someone. Though he has made attempts at love, they all proved fruitless. He feels like he left the burner on some countless years ago and accidentally burned down his life’s true meaning. In the light of this loneliness and this gnawing feeling of having missed something, all his accomplishments seem colorless and hollow. Especially now that the world is ending. Lyrics: This is a place I've built up my whole life spent working toward a goal. This is a space I've made with words and notes, trying to be whole. This is a monument I have made to a life well spent. With no need for rent cuz I got means, but my means ain't got no meaning cuz my life's been spent in preparation for a day that never came. So hi there I'm Charlie. I guess I'm a whole person. At least that's what they tell me, and it's what I've hung onto. But what's the point of being whole if your life is single, boring, and stagnant. So Good For Everybody who Doubts this Boring Absolute that this Flat Fucking Soda we Call Existence means Absolutely nothing without whoever you are or whoever you were. And though I’ve lived and tried to love, in the end I guess I must have missed it. I was too distracted by the building of my perfect self, that my life’s true meaning has been stuck on this dusty shelf. And it has expired. And I feel so tired. Yeah, I feel so tired. Good For Everybody who Doubts this Boring Absolute that this Flat Fucking Soda we Call Existence means Absolutely nothing without whoever you are or whoever you were.
Story: Charlie’s lives with his sister, Billy. Billy couldn’t move on. Billy’s wife, Beth, died in a car accident years ago, and she had lived with Charlie ever since. After the funeral Billy couldn’t work because she would stay in bed for days at a time. She’d forget to eat. She’d forget her therapy appointments. She developed some serious drug and alcohol problems. She basically became incapable of taking care of herself, so Charlie took her in. She keeps her cabin pitch black. Every night she dreams of Beth. Every morning, In that darkness, she forgets that she is gone. It’s worth the crushing dread that follows when she rolls over and realizes that she is alone. It’s worth a lifetime of pain for a second of believing she’s alive. The fact that the world is ending doesn’t mean much to Billy. For her, the world ended years ago. Lyrics: And then I woke up with a smile on my face until the light adjusted and I saw this flat place. The relics of my life yet to be takes hold of my head as it shreds my memory. And so I go through life always waiting, collecting lies to store away to use later as I'm constantly reminded how I couldn't save her. It's almost seasonal, this feeling. Happy Halloween and I'm stuck in your scene. But I always wake up with a smile, in the darkness I pretend it never ends, in the darkness we grew, and drove, and lived, and died, and wondered what life could be if that one day had gone a slightly different way. But in the dark she wasn't in pain, in the dark we were safe and sane, in the dark I never found her lying on the worlds dark floor, but darkness is an open door. And so I drown myself in vices and really nothing could be better. Drown and smoke and smoke out my sorrow as I once again fail to forget her ...Seasonal, this feeling.... happy Halloween and I'm stuck in your scene. And here and now locked in my moss covered cabin where I'll stay and pray for something better, but the cold keeps coming fast and bitter and I'm always dreaming, trying to get her. Charlie: My sister Billy's big empty, breathing in her memory. Sister Billy's big empty. Not much left of her to see. And the only reason you love me is because I haven't found the time to wake up. Billy: And yeah the only reason you're with me is because I haven't found the time to wake up. It is coming now, we all can see. The end of us, humanity. It is coming now the real big empty. This apocalypse we lived to see. And though for me the end is a memory, it's official now, this world’s gonna catch up with me.
Story: On May 23rd, at 5:23 a.m., the world ends. Charlie and Billy stand outside as the world ends. As everything fades to white, Charlie starts crying. Billy’s expression remains neutral. On May 22nd, at 5:23 a.m., Charlie and Billy wake up. Having already experienced this day once, Charlie and Billy are understandably confused. They brush it off as a weird shared dream. As the next 24 hours pass they face the impending apocalypse with more bravado. On May 23rd, as 5:23 rolls around and everything fades to white they sing a song they wrote together years ago. On May 21st, at 5:23 a.m., Charlie and Billie realize they are traveling backward in time. Very slowly. They both see this slow descent into the past as a blessing. For Billy it’s a chance to save Beth. For Charlie it’s a way to find what he missed. As they days roll by, they start to learn their rules. At 5:23, everything resets to 48 hours previous. Charlie and Billy wake up wherever they fall asleep, but awaken in the clothes of whatever their past selves were wearing that day. They realize that they aren’t going to run into their past selves. They become their pasts selves. It also appears that they are the only ones experiencing this slow time travel. From what they can tell everyone else is carrying on as if tomorrow will come. With the knowledge that the world is constantly resetting, Charlie and Billy start to have some fun. They are both reinvigorated by their new sense of purpose as they get younger, one day at a time. Lyrics: And rolling right along, hitchhiker vultures blur by, going onward endless phantoms, crawling climbing toward the night sky. Stumble down a trash filled sidewalk, scarecrow stretching toward a bitter sun. She's standing on the porch, visions of you in her eyes, nervous hands scratching palms, waiting biding praying never moving.And this misspent youth is finally fading from view. To live a life alone, always outside of your home, hands pressed against the window, looking, seeing, sighing, never being. And to live for you is one more thing that I could never do. Yeah, to live for you that final thing you'd never let me do, and to be one of us is not to be anything at all.
Story: As the years slowly tick by, Charlies and Billy start to get bored. There’s a crushing emptiness that comes with being the only two people moving against the flow of time. A feeling of unreality. A feeling of complete separation to the rest of the world. Despite their efforts to take advantage of the time travel and make their days more interesting, this hollow feeling is pervasive. They haven’t given up hope, but they are bored as hell. Lyrics: Nothing seems to make much sense. Slats of light, they line the floor of the pristine, boring room. It's just another hotel tomb. And waking in another place where walls are gone and all that's left is you detecting and looking over clues. You're trying to find out what you wanna do. You split me in two. One side, it clings to you. And the other, it stays here, and longs for that old fear. Cuz I'm waiting for something to happen, I'm just waiting for something to say that could make this feeling fade. But no, it grows, and silence pounds on a hazy screen the hollow words we speak can't penetrate. And boredom is just a mopey werewolf waiting to one day turn into that kid staring at the ceiling, longing for the cracks to spread. Boredom is one day at a time, we're falling back hoping to find some reason for why the end left just us two, reversed without a clue. You split me in two. One side, it clings to you. And the other, it stays here, and longs for a cold beer. The truth we try to hide from, the one we try to push away, the definition of meaning. Cuz all I see is yesterday on this carpeted floor. Is it really so selfish to ask for more than just this stale sunlight twinkling across the fields of boredom? I forgot to tell you something, but it's not important and now your gone. And I'm falling down to you, we’re touching hands down our timestream and we spoke. And I’m awoke and still waiting.
20 Years 03:59
Story: Decades have gone by and they are nearing the day of Beth’s accident, and Charlie and Billy are staying near Billy and Beth’s old house. Most of Charlie and Billy’s time has been spent doing anything but reliving their past. They’ve been road tripping, staying in random places, eating wherever they want, doing their best to stay entertained and hopeful. Charlie has been writing new songs since they began their descent into the past and he wants to perform one with a band. Normally this would be an easy feat. All he would need to do is wait for a day in the past when he had performed a concert and rehearsed with his band in the same day. He could quickly teach them the song, then play that concert again, but with the addition of this new song. The problem is that all his shows in the near past are on the other side of the country, and he wants to be with Billy on the day she tries to save Beth. So he finds a nearby venue with an open mic, and every week he makes a crazy effort to find a full band and teach them the song in one day. On the fifth day he succeeds. He finds a band and is ready to perform. At the open mic he ends up talking to two people from another band, Audrey and Vickie. The main singer-songwriter and the guitarist\backup singer respectively. The three of them hit it off and share a lot of the same musical interests. They agree to learn and sing his song in the next 45 minutes. They perform. It was worth all the effort, and Charlie is genuinely happy. Lyrics: And looking up, and feeling vacant, and sighing as the world turns grey, and stepping out, and seeing nothing, and rolling into our fake past. In 20 years I can see us both in a bigger world, bright and full of promise. In 20 years we'll mean something, and people will stop us in the street, asking just how we came to be in twenty years they'll all know just how far we've come. You hold your breath, try not to shout. Praying for reprieve, a way to let it out. Desperately searching, his vision in blue, he sees everything in you. Faint recollection venom strains of tension from a voice above, a holy mother keeping us all cheerful and sedated, trained domesticated on leash, begging, learning how to crawl. Sitting next to you, sitting miles apart, the difference it is still unknown to me. If this is it, if it's time to quit I hope to god that I will leave some proof of all our failure, of all our hope, and of everything that means something to me.
Story: After Charlie and his makeshift band performs, Audrey’s band goes on. She sings a song about overcoming the strife of a former life. A song about coming out of a string of mistakes and becoming a much stronger, more self assured person. As Charlie watches, he very quickly falls in love. Lyrics: And you give yourself away to homeless decorations of the underground. Your pointed plastic truths are ripped from phantoms shouting, calling from your misspent youth. And with trees whipping by, no memory, no tears left to dry. Just my haunting tonic taking hold, I never thought I'd be so bold as to speak my mind freely and hurl my inhibitions in the street. And now all in spite of you, my whole world ceased to exist. Yeah I'm down and out, but don't you fucking try to help me. Where I am is where I'm meant to be. In this strugglers tree That’s meant to rise above your lies and filth unending, not joining the hoards of those pretending. I'll make it or not but I'll be happy and free. Where I am is where I'm meant to be. I'll be happy and free. Yeah, speeding down the road I’m finally free of this load. No your luggage cannot weigh me down, and I can almost hear the sound of my old life fading to white, leaving me in the clean and perfect night. For I will always be the one, fading away in the setting sun.
Story: A Friday Charlie and Audrey end up talking all night long. It is the easiest conversation Charlie has ever had. They keep surprising each-other with values, interests, and little quirks. The conversation is a constant flow. They end up walking together after the venue closes, their chatter echos down deserted streets. They each share a surprising amount of personal information for two people who’ve just met. In a perfect moment they both lean in and kiss. Charlie thinks he may have found what he was looking for. When Charlie opens his eyes and realizes she’s gone, he looks at his phone in a panic. 5:23 It’s Thursday morning and Charlie realizes for all their talking, they never exchanged any information besides each-others first names. More importantly, he just fell backward another day, and she’ll have no idea who he is. Lyrics: It's like asking why do human beings cry. There's no real reason, the feelings invisible, but the impact is evident. I am out at sea, looking at hands which spell out 5:23. I can pinpoint the very moment you forgot about me. Why does Charlie love Audrey? Is it the way she make me see stupidly in the sky? Is it her smile, dangerous and rye? Is it her taste in books, tv and movies? Is it her badass nature? The way she don't need no one to save her? Of course, of course, it's all that and nothing, this magic random nonsense that makes me sing. And now I'm falling again through time, and I'm running out of half assed rhymes, and as the blood red sun dips over the horizon, I got no way to find her, cuz she has truly disappeared.
Beth 01:41
Story: The day of Beth’s accident comes. Billy waits till the last possible moment to enter the house she and Beth once shared. Just the sight of it is enough to make her shudder. Little signs of tragedy litter the lawn. Patches of grass she pulled up in a moment of fury and sorrow. The window she broke, the car she kicked, all these little self-inflicted reminders of grief. She crawls into bed and doesn’t sleep a wink. At 5:23 she watches as her dead wife’s sleeping form appears before her, rosy-cheeked and full of life. When Beth wakes up Billy tells her everything. The complete truth, and begs desperately for them not to leave. Billy desperately pleads for Beth not to leave. She begs like the world is ending. A very concerned and confused Beth calls in sick to work. Lyrics: Beth, I know it sounds crazy, but I hope you'd do the same for me. Imagine a life and a half worth of information. Imagine knowing of a life changing situation. Imagine the worry, fear, and anticipation. So please forgive me if what I say scares you away, but imagine a world without you and me. Imagine how my soul would rip apart in half. Imagine getting called at two a.m. and seeing the one you love in pieces. Ripped apart due to one fatal start. And so I'm sorry but I can't pretend or lie to save your faith in me. I have to try despite what logic is telling me, although I may forget it if I fall again. But there's no way that I couldn't try, but I couldn't lie. Couldn't force, push, or coerce. No, I could only plead and ask, for just one day... Do you love me enough to trust my illogic?
There's This 01:37
Story: After she saves Beth, Billy starts rapidly forgetting her future and she immediately calls Charlie. Charlie calms her down by telling her it’s a good sign. He tells her that this is an indicator that she is heading on a different track. This could mean Billy was now headed for a brighter future. About an hour later she has no recollection of this conversation. The Billy Charlie knew is gone. The only Billy is the replay Billy. Past Billy is just past Billy. Now Charlie is truly alone. Lyrics: And to tell the truth, this is the your end. The sting of change is here, I can feel it like a piercing ring. It's time for you to go forward with your love and life in time. To start building a better yesterday. And although for me your going away... There's this, I haven't been bored in days. There's this, that Audrey's somewhere out in the haze. There is this, so don't worry or fret, although of course I'll miss you. You've been a corpse for far too long, go be someone new. And these overused metaphors don't fit this situation, so I'll just say that phrase we lived lived off in those dark, gloomy, pre-apocalyptic future days. Life is bliss until we wake up, and we realize someone long ago drained our cup. And to tell the truth, this is the end of things. There's this, I haven't been bored in days. There's this, that Audrey's somewhere out in the haze. There is this, so don't worry or fret, although of course I'll miss you. You've been a corpse for far too long, and I'm sorry, but this feeling cannot be wrong. It's a fucking fact we've known so long. It's like the truth of 5:23. Leaving only me.
Story: The tendrils of true loneliness start to strangle Charlie. He hopes Billy had accomplished something, and that she and Beth were in a better place and time, but there is no way to know. He really hopes to see Audrey again, but that hope is wavering. He still is no closer to figuring where she is. Real doubt and confusion set in for Charlie. He had perceived this time travel as a gift, but what if it was just something meaningless in disguise? Lyrics: Bye bye Billy. I guess I'll see you living through your past life, unaware of the path we lead toward desolation. The apocalypse stretched toward us so slowly, and we laughed as it swallowed us whole. And I'll be gone before the suns up, looking for someone to finally fill my cup. Because I'm years too early, but years too late for my rendezvous with fate. SO WHAT DOES ANYTHING MEAN?!!!! Am I struggler? is it my destiny to see that perfect scene happen for everyone but me? And this monotony will kill me faster than a speeding truck, so take this page out from my memory. Some bullshit picture of what we could be. And now I've run out of words to express this. Not having known I was doomed to live a life of hazy wonder. Wondering what to do. And wondering where/when was my blunder? And now I've fallen backward in time and I'm running out of half assed rhymes.
Story: As the days creep by and true boredom sets in, so does true depression. The emptiness of everything is overwhelming. The yawning maw that parades around as an existence is an infinite black hole, absorbing all notion of significance and meaning. To some people this is just a feeling, but Charlie knows this is a fact. The one glimpse he had of the possibility something more was years ago. He thinks about Audrey daily. He reeks of his own insignificance, just like everyone else. The only difference is that he is aware of it. He drinks and smokes a lot. Lyrics: And looking through through this unconscious abyss, this endless drive from future burning skies. And an ache that never went away, my hope filled pain I pray will stay. Yet still you are my ache, my longing, a joke that maybe could never mean anything. I am laughing as glass rains down this last thought I will fall with. To live for you is my life wasted in melancholy. So Audrey please let me be, it's you I still can't see. And if I have to see another boring day can I at least be with you? Or am I still left sitting, watching, eating lots of pizza, staring out the window, hoping to find the one. And waiting, always waiting. Now I'm scared of running out of time into a wall of nothing, but hey that's fine. Guess time don't mean shit so fuck it, maybe I won't quit. As I shot back fire and chased it with memory, I spat out any chance of saving me. And I left you there, locked in a corner of my mind. While I'm red eyed and wrecked, I hope your doing fine. But I still can't drown you out. Wish I could know you like the back of my hand. Or is it knew? I still can't understand why time is leaking, and I'm a grain of sand.
Bloop 02:51
Story: Charlie is out drinking when he sees a familiar face. Vickie is across the bar and pounding shot after shot. After her seventh, she stumbles onto the street and Charlie goes after. He catches up to her, not sure of what he’ll say. Before he can say anything, she sees him. Her eyes glimmer with recognition. She is falling backward in time as well. They are both very relieved to find a fellow time-traveler and start spending the majority of their time together as the days crawl backward. Lyrics: Tossed aside and finished breathing death. That seven shots no chaser left her out on the street, with no one around to brace her, and as a hopped down from my barstool, I saw her glimmer with recognition,and she was stumbling, and she was grinning because her world was bright and spinning, and now I know, for her there's no real tomorrow. Like me and Billy, she fell into yesterday, where I'm still looking for you so I can say: ‘Will you ride from highway to highway, and airport to airport, just you and me?’ In this blacktop world we will try to be free, but I guess we'll have to see. Cuz at the end of my start I thought I'd find my goal. But now I've found and lost you, and I might have to let you go. But if I we're to find you going forward past me, I wonder just how you would see me. Would you put an end to my weary dreaming? And in the end I'll know who we are. More than a boy. More than a girl. And we’ll both see how far we’ve come, and all that’s been done to make us whole.
MF Stalker 01:24
Story: As Vickie and Charlie spend more time together they naturally grow closer. They start dating in the way that only time travelers can. It becomes very clear that Vickie is falling for him, and Charlie desperately wants to feel the same. He awkwardly tries to express love for Vickie, but it always seems somewhat strained and forced. He desperately wants to love her, but he can’t. It would make this monotonous existence so much easier if he could just love her. There is literally no one else in the world who can relate to him. He tells himself that he is starting to love her. He tells himself that he really hopes he can love her. The truth is that Charlie is keeping one foot out the door and one eye scanning the horizon for a glimpse of Audrey. Lyrics: This one’s for you Vickie, you. As I woke this morning, going through the motions I sunk backward as the past rushed up to meet me and it all came back. The smell of cigarettes and trying not to puke over the side, trying to hold in all the courage built up over that endless night that burned my insides until I saw a familiar face. And if you leave right now and walk away, I won't follow you cuz' I'm not a fuckin stalker, but I wish there was some way for you to stay or just some way for me to feel comfortable enough to say.... One look was all I needed to know that you fell as well into this backward limbo heaven hell, and I knew I might have a friend with whom I didn't have to pretend. This hopeful backward wandering, a struggler left pondering toward a distant vague sunset, and feeling impending regret. I'm sick of endless fantasies, and hope that someday we can be sitting on a little sofa, watching tv drinking soda. Godammit I love you. I think I love you. I might just love you. I hope I love you.
Story: Vickie isn’t stupid and Charlie is a bad liar. She saw Charlie and Audrey talking to each other that night at the open mic. As much as she loves Charlie she knows she needs to leave. It’s scary leaving the only person who can relate to her, but feeling like a consolation prize is worse than being alone. She has also realized something that Charlie should have thought of a long time ago, and it makes it a little easier to stop loving him. Of course she leaves him. He’s a fucking creep. Lyrics: I could try and pretend. Just laugh and try to transcend. Pretend that I cannot see the way that you won't see me. The plight of loving someone like you. A struggler straying from course, with a haze of regret clouding your vision. You’re seeing either her or death, but you can't see me, so of course I'm leaving.
Story: Charlie awkwardly apologizes to Vickie when she tells him she has to leave. He can’t even try to pretend he doesn’t know why she leaving. He desperately wants her to stay, but knows how unfair it would be to ask that of her. He goes back to drinking, smoking, and obsessing about Audrey. Lyrics: Oh Vickie, I wish you could see just how sorry you've made me. Truth is I may never see just exactly who is Audrey. Charlie: The plight of living with the knowledge of you. I'm a struggler straying from course, with a haze of regret clouding his vision. And so far there's no sign of you and I at any time down this line, so distant still, and I'm not fine. I'm seeing either her or death, and I'm rushing forward, and falling backward in time, and I'm running out of half-assed rhymes. Vickie: The plight of loving loving someone like you. My struggler straying from course, with a haze of regret clouding your vision. And so far there's no sign of you and I at any time down this line, so distant still, and I'm not fine. You're seeing either her or death, and rushing forward, and falling backward in time, but you can't see me so of course I'm leaving.
Denial Trial 03:36
Story: A few years crawl by and he sees her again. He is hailing a cab, and as it slows a voice next to him asks if he would be willing to share the ride. He turns to look at owner of the voice, and of course it’s Audrey. Obviously he agrees to share the ride. A feeling of relief comes over him, and he thinks that this is finally it. This is the moment that will change everything. But it isn’t. He tries to talk to her, but it’s clear she isn’t interested. She is polite, but doesn’t give more than curt one or two-word answers. She stares it her phone. Panic comes over Charlie. He is screaming inside and desperately wants to tell her who she is to him. He knows that if he tries he will sound insane. Tension seizes him as they near her stop. As he opens his mouth to try some desperate attempt at conversation, something occurs to him. Something that should have occurred to him a long time ago. Something that Vickie had already realized. He’s a fucking creep. He might look the same age as Audrey, but he’s literally decades older than her. Not only that, he has obsessed over her for years, and to her he is just a stranger. He was creepy the first time they met, and he is even more creepy now. He doesn’t say another word to her. She gets out of the car, thanks him and leaves. Lyrics: So here we are. You're next to me, bucket seated. Driving through this waking life while never looking forward, and I'm shaken up cuz everything's repeated, and though it's great to see your face inside this citadel, here's the problem. I can't stop wanting to kiss you. I can't stop wanting to hold your hand. It seems impossible to voice this, and I wish you could understand. I can't stop wanting to tell you. Can't stop wanting to speak, and not think, these words in me that are so restrained, but I'm too scared of lying, too nervous and neurotic... Oh well here we go, it's my denial trial, and I can't tell you who you are. And if not for you, I could pay attention. Not lie awake, chewing through my nails, trying to keep my mind off where you are, and how the hell you’re doing, and finally find a way to end this shallow empty life, but here's the problem. I can't stop wanting to wake up. I can’t stop wanting to see you there, caught in a perfect time that I've tried to find, but now I can finally see the signs that spell out in black and yellow: THIS HAS ALL BEEN RANDOM. I'm caught up in a limbo of dreaming and having to see the one who can't see me. And if this it for me, this growing, dying tree, it's still my fault so I'll take the blame. This place has always stayed the same. The whole damn time you’ve been away. Always moving forward, always falling backward. It's a wonder I don't scream out loud, but even then I know you wouldn't hear the sound. You're miles away, with your own life on an island. And so I'll live and I'll regret until I finally drown into an ocean of sand. That distant desert is just an image I've used to express a feeling that has long since lost its meaning.
Story: To take his mind off of the all consuming self loathing party that his mind has become, he throws himself into music. He starts writing like crazy and frequenting an open mic. He only plays songs that he has written after he started time traveling, having to rely on his memory for the lyrics since anything he writes gets erased at 5:23. After a few shows he notices something interesting. There is a man who has been at almost all of his shows. At first Charlie thought nothing of this, assuming it was just someone who frequented this place in the past. Then Charlie sees him mouthing the words to his song. Obviously this should be impossible due to the fact that Charlie is performing songs that don’t exist, so this can only mean one thing. This man is also a time traveler. After his set, Charlie introduces himself and learns this man is named Max Murphy. When he confronts Max about time travel, Max is very forthcoming. He tells Charlie how much fun he’s been having. He has spent his time since the apocalypse reading books, comics, watching anime, playing video games, seeing live music and basically spending all his time with his hobbies. He tells Charlie it’s been a paradise for him. This point of view is incredibly refreshing for Charlie, and he and Max become fast friends. Lyrics: But what if this paradise is false? Cuz I ain't seen you in a while. Though time is hard to measure in a backward existence, I know it's been a real long time, and though I go on laughing I hardly feel fine. But hey, what do I know? I'm just now getting the full impact of the blow of that one day (sorry) one fuckin night. But yeah, that's all I get so I guess it's better than death, though it was barely even a kiss, just a timeshares worth of bliss, and now I feel bored and boring. But hey, don't let this bullshit get to you. Max, I wish that I could see the way that you do. The that way you exploit those miracles, just to have some fun. Well, I'm glad that it's worked so well, and since I've known you my boredom's ceased to swell. It's like being lost in France, and finding someone else in a similar circumstance, and though I am far from home, I'm far from alone. True maybe I never met you, but in another possible life, in another future past I could've held your hand, and we'd look up at the sky, and we'd watch our world fry, and we'd be smiling. So let's wake up and become the Jack who forgot about Sally, and changed his name, and choked down the pain. Living in his city, dreaming of her pretty scarred face. Dreaming of the day that never came. It's always too late. I've lost my only chance at finding fate.
Story: The next months are a very fun break for Charlie. He joins Max in his hobbies. He is so distracted by all this great entertainment that he almost forgets how much he hates himself. Almost. He even gets Max into songwriting a bit. They write a song together about Max’s favorite video game, and they perform it at he open mic. Lyrics: No, I am not your person. I'm not some spiky haired Zack. Waiting, feeding off the prayers that flow through his veins as you give up your life for a memory. I am just a farm boy. I'm just a blonde country bumpkin, and though I lack nothing in ambition, I was never your decision. And all these unimportant simple thoughts, they rip through my brain as the stigma rips itself through my veins, connecting me to my fake self, but still that moment is always there, but with you it's another story, in all that horror you found holy. Because who falls for a shadow? Who falls for a memory? Who falls for a glimpse of something that might have been with someone else in some other when? And yeah, that is me. I am your mercenary, I'm your soldier, I'm your freak, and those were different days, and now my memories are fading.
Tawdry 02:24
Story: After the show Max and Charlie go their separate ways. Later that night Charlie gets a call from Max. Max tells Charlie how he met another time traveler, and that she is amazing. He said that the two of them had the best conversation Max has ever had, and there was just something about her that he couldn’t explain. Something special. He tells Charlie he had never been in love before, but he thinks that might be what he’s feeling now. He tells him that her name is Vickie. Charlie hangs up on him. Charlie ignores Max’s calls until 5:23. When that time comes, Charlie calls Max and is entirely unsurprised that Max has no idea who Charlie is, and has no memory of ever time traveling. Charlie wants to feel happy for Vickie and Max. He wants to feel hope that they are now going toward a better future. He wants to feel these things, but he can’t. He is once again left alone with his self-loathing and all he feels is lonely, bitter, and depressed. He decides that it’s time for harder drugs. He mouths off to a shady drug dealer is some dark corner and gets shot in the head at 1:34 a.m.. He dies at 1:35 a.m.. At 5:23 he learns he isn’t allowed die. Lyrics: I can’t do anything. No one is 'round to make me sing. My friend is gone. And now he's just a puppet, playing out better days the strings of fate won't let him change. So let me sink into a pool of chlorine, let me drink until I cannot think so I can drown out that false memory of just exactly what you meant to me. If all this is a joke, a pre-death movie made to make me sick, then fuck it I don't care, though I still hope that you’re out there somewhere, but I need a break so I'll keep an eye out for that Audrey, though I may feel tawdry. I think it’s time that I finally let go. Filling myself with vices I'll enjoy the show. I can't do anything. She ain't here and I might as well not exist. What kind of life am I leading? Is time just wounded and bleeding? Fuck you! This isn't weed! It's oregano!
Story: A few uneventful years crawl by and one night Charlie gets good and wasted. He goes to the open mic and performs an angry, half remembered rendition of the song he heard Audrey sing all those years ago. All those years later? Time travel is obnoxious. Lyrics: You remember where you're from. See the the sign which spells out 'all walk-ins are welcome', and she's there in that perfect scene, and finally sighing you wake up from this dream. And with trees whipping by, speeding toward a fake memory. Just another hazy tint. A glimpse into the last hollow home, and with my hand tires and shaking, your half hearted smile stabs at my memory (LIKE A FUCKING ICEPICK!!!!!!!!!!!!) and all because of you, I don't care if this world explodes. But as bored lovers sighed in their seats, I just sat, and laughed, and then saw you, and all your beautiful tragedy, but now even that's gone, and something else. My broken metaphors could never reveal your true self, and all that you were, but that was then, and of course it is always right now, and that you is gone somehow. Yeah, speeding down the road, unencumbered by anyone's load. But how I wish you luggage it could weigh me down, cuz I can almost hear the sound of my old life coming into light. Leaving me stranded in the night. For I was always meant to be alone, lost, and strung out at sea. Yeah, I will always be the one looking after you long after I'm gone.
Losing Time 04:32
Story; After the show Charlie stumbles into whatever hotel he is staying at that night and falls into a drunken slumber. At 5:23 he wakes up in a panic. He has no idea where he is or how he got here. All his memories of the apocalypse and time travel are gone. At 5:24 all his memories flood back at once, at it hurts like a migraine. Now Charlie is panicking for different reasons. This isn’t the same as Billy or Max forgetting the future, this is clearly different. This feels like memories of two lifetimes fighting in his head. He has enough memories for a life and a half, and his mind is starting to reject the ones that still matter to him. Despite the fact that his existence has become quite sad, he still clings to a tattered shred of hope. A hope that maybe something will good will come from all this craziness. That maybe this time travel could mean something if he could just find his purpose. He also treasures his memories of that one night with Audrey. He hates himself for it, but can’t help it. He had never felt that way about anyone, and knows he never will again. As the days crawl by he forgets for longer periods of time. 1 minute at the beginning of a new yesterday turns into 2, then 5, then half an hour over the course of a few months. It kills him to know that soon he won’t remember Audrey or Max, or the fact that Billy saved Beth. It kills him to know that all this time travel really turned out to be a cruel cosmic joke designed to show him exactly the kind of meaningless person he was always destined to be. After 5 years half is day is spent in a panic and confusion, with no memory of his backward life. One day, when his memory floods back after half a day spent in terrifying confusion, he realizes he has to go home. At this point in his past he was still living with his parents in the house he had lived in since he was born. He might have to spend half a day without his memories of time travel, but he doesn’t have to spend that half in panic, wondering where the hell he is. He gives up that last shred of hope. Lyrics: Everyday I lose more time to fear and panic that rises so quick, so it's time for me to pack up and head for more familiar grasses to ensure this mindless joke that passes for an existence. In 60 months a quarter day still felt okay, then pounding like a nail right through my skull comes all my memory. In just 5 years half the day is spent in blissful ignorance, with half a day of darkness, hope, gloom, beauty, and memories. And now I'm here with just fifteen minutes of sadness and fear, and a day spent in a haze of nauseating deja vu, and fractured nights spent trying to remember you. Five years spent in a fog of denial distilled in bottles, capsules, and smoke. Trying to hide from the monster, that ugly beast made of memory. But now I'd cry if I saw it rushing round the corner, shambling towards me. Not out of guilt or fear. No, it's more the fact that I am losing myself. I'll take my feelings off the the shelf. Embrace that shambling beast who holds my pain, who will inspire my last refrain. I've lived over a life and a half, no wonder my head is forgetting this sick monotonous life I'm somehow living. While unable to truly live, and still fucking incapable of dying. When I don't remember I'm less alone, but when that memory revolver empties its chamber I will bite the goddamn barrel, but I'll remember for that one second back when I met you. With just one second to remember you, it makes me see the wreck I've turned into, and it's scary, depressing, boring, indescribable, crazy, and yeah, it murders those five years spent trying to forget you.
(...) 01:16
Story: 5 years later all his forgetting and remembering comes to a head. His mind is torn apart as memories crash into each other, converge, break apart, and disappear. When it feels like this insanity will never end, the madness in his head reaches it’s crescendo, then stops. All his memories of the apocalypse and time travel are gone. Past Charlie is just past Charlie.
Final Crisis 03:50
Story: Charlie is now reliving his teenage years, without realizing he is reliving them. Though his memories of the future are gone, he still dreams of them every night. Visions of the apocalypse, Audrey, Vickie, Max and adult Billy haunt his nights. He feels like he solved an equation that proves the world is truly meaningless. That every action he or anyone else takes is as meaningless as pouring a cup of water into an empty cup, then pouring it back into the first cup, then back again, then back again, back and forth, forever. Every day he skips school to get high in the park, and every day he has the same fight with his parents when he comes home. Lyrics: And you were the last thing I saw as you the smoke started filling my lungs, and for just one moment I forgot to regret. Yes, here in this oblivion I have found a way to relieve myself from hearing all these things you never said again, again, and again. One thing is clear. I'll only find her in dreams where I fall along my number line till I'm awake, surprised to find her face erased from my mind. Basically leaving me blind. So I walked away, but even that's not quite right, cuz I'm still searching for someone to run away from. But that killing sky is still dream. It's just like you, you are a dream. And the tragedy is this... Not having known you, that's the closest I'll get to bliss. But now I see it's all empty. I'm stuck here in flatland. Stuck meaning nothing to no one. Feeling empty and unimportant. And all these implications of my observations have left me stranded and mute. So I walked away, but even that's not quite right, cuz I'm still searching for someone to run away from. But that killing sky is still dream. It's just like you, you are a dream. And the tragedy is this... Despite all my longing and love, this is true. Not having known you...I will see you in a dream tonight I wove myself to try to fight this feeling of loss, and boredom unending, but I always wake up, and so when I meet her I won't know what to say, when I meet you I will remember that day, unrequited when my love did say this... Not having known you... Yeah, these days are filled with boredom unending. Not having known you... Charlie: That's the closest I'll get to bliss. Dad: I'm worried about our boy, it seems he can't feel any joy. Mom: Call somebody, we need to call someone for help.
The End 02:56
Story: Eventually even the dreams stop. His feeling of meaninglessness goes away. He is now just a kid repeating a life, with no way of knowing that he has done this all before. If the time traveling version of himself could see him, he would despair at the fact that he is clearly falling backward into oblivion. He is slowly un-existing himself. But that version of Charlie is gone, and all that’s left is this kid. Charlie and Billy are kids. They are standing together in a crowded playground. Billy is talking to Charlie, but Charlie’s attention is focused on a girl a few yards away. Billy notices this and encourages Charlie to go say hello. Charlie starts walking towards her. Lyrics: There's a life ahead of me, it could look a lot like a desert. An ocean of white I’d glimpse through tearful, wincing sight, or it could be free. There could be a place for me to be. Somewhere far from that dry and boiling sea. But on top there's a tear stained phantom. A vision so faint, but still there. I see the life of a lonely man. I see scenes of never ending loss. I see a life that's full of cost. It's like waiting for impending regret. It's like our gift to this city's sunset. Something to set over, and one day explode, or so I'm told. It's like a memory. Like a memory that I'm waiting to live, but I'm happy for now to live this simple life, though my fear is a pendulum hanging scythe. It won't have its way with me. I will laugh it off endlessly. It'll all be different. Yeah, you'll see. Besides, that distant desert can't be all bad. How can you miss something you never had? But this time, who knows? Who can say? How much could change with three words in one day?


A rock/pop-punk/jammy/occasionally jazzy concept album about love, depression, loneliness, loss, the apocalypse, and time travel


released June 11, 2018

Christopher Levy: Vocals, Guitar, Bass
Henry Chadwick: Drums, Bass
Finn Levy: Banjolele on track 3, Vocals on tracks 2,3,4,6,8, and 23
Ruby Layne: Vocals on tracks 5 and 14
Sadie Rose Neiblum-Lamkin: Vocals on track 5 and 6
Jorde Durden: Synth on track 24

All tracks Produced, Mixed, and Mastered by Henry Chadwick at The Compound in Ben Lomond, Ca

Tracks 1-2,4,6,9-10, and 12-23 Written By Christopher Robin Levy
Tracks 3,7, and 8 Written by Christopher Robin Levy and Finn Levy
Track 5 Written by Christopher Robin Levy, Ruby Layne, and Sadie Rose Neiblum-Lamkin
Track 11 Written by Christopher Robin Levy and Sadie Rose Neiblum-Lamkin
Track 24 Written by Christopher Levy and Jorde Durden

Album cover designed and photographed by Jorde Durden


all rights reserved



Just Dandy Santa Cruz, California

contact / help

Contact Just Dandy

Streaming and
Download help

Redeem code

Report this album or account

If you like Just Dandy, you may also like: